Is loyalty blind?

I'm not sure. It makes me notice a few things too. I'm a very insensitive person at times and I know it. One should know it too.

[[ mood ]] off

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Slowly, as each key was gently pressed, it brings me memories that even I myeslf, never knew were still in me. The note still rings within my mind from time to time.

Today, I met someone I didn't think I would remember if I didn't see that someone. I didn't see her for over a year. She was my piano teacher. I didn't really keep her in mind as I was never really fond of her but she is my teacher. She never really changed. Seeing her being seated on that white chair, eating her bowl of vegeballs, I went to say

"Hi. It's been so long teacher. How are you?"

She was pretty stunned.

She still looked the same, that's for sure. A stout woman with straight fringe but contrasting fake curled short locks, reddish brown in colour. As usual, she had much more make-up than she needed. Like always, she wore flow skirts which are over her knees and a loose, translucent top. She never changed. Maybe older, I don't recall. I sat down and she asked me a lot of questions. I answered all of them with a smile. I was sincere. I didn't feel like I didn't want to see her, but I definitely didn't expect seeing her.

"Yea..I'm doing great. Form 4 and all..."

"Hectic? Pretty much. Got used to it now..."

" Yea... All of us are great.. how are you teacher?"

"Me? grown up? Neah... It's only been a short while.."

That's bout it. I don't know what I feel bout her really... She's just..there. It's amazing how forgetful some people can get as time passes. It doesn't matter how old you are or what happened, it's just that people can just forget what happened in one's life so effortlessly. While some people can hold a grudge for years, some can just forget about it in a day.

Forgive and forget. That's what they all say. Can one really do it? Easier said then done. I've never seen it so far. Make a slip-up and you're done. Game over. I can see people talking bout it behind one's back. That they never even forgave them, being two-faced without even knowing it.

Yea.. whatever...

Cranky

I have been cranky for the past few days. I am tired. I stayed up doing notes, homework and projects. Projects are so redundant. So much writing and practical work. Doing that, keeping up with a teacher's expectations, it really does wastes a lot of time. And when we start to loaf around, we'd get some scolding from the teacher. Teachers think they know us. They think they know how we think. Their thought on us is

" 4S1 girls all think they know everything. They think they don't need us teaching them as they all think they're already smarter than us. That's why they make noise."

All classes make noise. So, when other classes make noise, they're just really stupid and when we make noise, we're just being a bunch of arrogant egoistical rich know it all brats? Rubbish.

Besides that, when school ended, I laid my head on my desk, hoping for 3 minutes of shut eye before EST starts. A girl with a HUGE bottom, [ it HAS to be huge if it can't move between the rows of the tables] kept passing by, knocking, bumping and smashing tables around her [including mine] as she stomped and swayed her giant bottom around. Not funny. Only had 3 hours of uncomfortable sleep. The whole class was acting like it was feeding time at the zoo today too. It's as if the whole world had gone deaf for 10 minutes and everyone had to bawl to each other in order to mouth the words properly to one another.

Bad day. Not much talking but a lot of emotional ranting in my mind. The computer was down for a few days and I wanted to blog and rant oh so badly. Everything was just ballooned in to  a little corner within my mind. The more I stuffed those words, imaginations, opinions and exclamation marks, the more painful my head got. It is at its peak of cracking and soon, it shall spontaneously combust. Believe me, it would.

Gotta stop. I'm so tired.... I'm going to sleep...

Wait a sec. Speaking of sleep, I had a dream of my grandmother. MY first in many years. Until that dream, I never realized how much I missed her. I really do miss her so so much.

This is not my year...

Cheerio

[[ music ]] Jay Chou- Grandma
[[ mood ]] blah

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Thank god for the creation of music.

Blocks out so many unwanted things.... :]

I'm 'less' cranky but nevertheless, easily provoked.

[[ music ]] Kiss kiss- chris brown
[[ mood ]] crappy

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I know what's missing..

It's not there..for a long time already. And I just noticed. All that remains are memories..

I miss it.

[[ music ]] crush
[[ mood ]] discontent

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nothing can describe this utter annoyance..

nothing can show how angry I am..

nothing...

I'm teaching troll boy MATH while I myself already hates it oh so much...

[[ show ]] troll boy do mistakes
[[ mood ]] aggravated

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Eddie says darling dear yangseen can be a dancer. A dancer. What I've always wanted.. Makes me wonder if I had stayed, could I be one? Seriously, shut the fuck up bout it being bad, studying, bad influence and all that rubbish. It's not. After I quit, I wasn't doding quite well anyway. Just so you know, I DID try. You think it's not hard enough, but I did. Bad influence? DUDE. All they do is teach me. I see them once a week. I love dancing. It is the greatest joy I've had so far. Yea, I kept my end of the deal, I quit. I didn't utter a complain since. Not ONCE, till now. So you people thought that it would just grow out of me? HECK NO. It's so easy to dance whether you do it right or wrong. You're just in a place, doing something you love with other ppl like you.

Just in a place where music would be your guide and dancing would be your life. For just two hours, every week, I feel like that. It's gone. Yea, I know what some of you would say. I'm acting like a child, a 15 year old. If you need to be reminded, I'm still 15. A rebelious, selfish, fun seeking, not caring, inconsiderate 15 year old.

I love dancing so  much and I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT when you people start teasing me bout it. I said don't talk bout it. I don't want to be reminded. But no, you do. You think it's OKAY. I get so angry and upset when you bring it up and I know, i KNOW that I'd be scolded if I get angry because of that.

I'm so sad now. So many things happened. I've been blue for so long and now it just got worse.

Why can't it just...go away and leave me alone..

don't tell me you understand. I don't want to hear it. Even if you do

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Read the stuff in red first for assistance

She said..

"I'm not happy with what all of you say and do as most of you are just faking it and you don't even care what happens to me, whether I die or not because all of you are just practically social hungry idiots which only likes to put out a good face in front of others just so you can build a fake smilling image in order to pretend to please everyone else just so you can suck the life or shall we say resources out of everyone or another way to say it, your so called good for nothing, bubble headed, air filled, pink-i-fied life friends who all thinks that the world is made of sticky chewy pink bubble gum and chocolate chip cookies with sugar powdered coats all over them. I'm sad and all of you are just out to tell me how much I suck in life thinking that it's okay, and since you think it's okay, you have fun on the way by teasing me and talking to me in high voices, making me feel like the lowest human being alive when actually I'M truly not but none of you care because you know that when you keep bringing me down with your sharp bloody words, you can KEEP me down and I don't even understand why I can just succumb into your dark evil minds of treachery and mock. Besides that, some of you don't even know that I hate you so so much and practicaly the only reason why I don't show it is not because I'm weak, it's because i'm just foolish enough to suck it all in and sometimes wander in the imagination and delusions that you are my friend but when in reality you're just some boot licking person who is trying to win my favour as you THINK you can trust me with your worthless rants and so called not problematic problems. As a warning to some other people too, I don't like being talk to sometimes too as I find you amazingly annoying and irritating beyond words and that's not your fault i suppose, it's mine because who knew I had so many bad things to say about other ppl and who knew tha's I'm such a person to bottle everything inside me like some kind of super big vacumm cleaner with one of those giant expanding dust bags that fills up with crap till I explode and all those pieces of crap like banana skins and dead rats starts spilling out and shooting everywhere in the room. "

as it is hard to read, let me split it up...one sentence at a time

"I'm not happy with what all of you say and do as most of you are just faking it and you don't even care what happens to me, whether I die or not because all of you are just practically social hungry idiots which only likes to put out a good face in front of others just so you can build a fake smilling image in order to pretend to please everyone else just so you can suck the life or shall we say resources out of everyone or another way to say it, your so called good for nothing, bubble headed, air filled, pink-i-fied life friends who all thinks that the world is made of sticky chewy pink bubble gum and chocolate chip cookies with sugar powdered coats all over them.

I'm sad and all of you are just out to tell me how much I suck in life thinking that it's okay, and since you think it's okay, you have fun on the way by teasing me and talking to me in high voices, making me feel like the lowest human being alive when actually I'M truly not but none of you care because you know that when you keep bringing me down with your sharp bloody words, you can KEEP me down and I don't even understand why I can just succumb into your dark evil minds of treachery and mock.

Besides that, some of you don't even know that I hate you so so much and practicaly the only reason why I don't show it is not because I'm weak, it's because i'm just foolish enough to suck it all in and sometimes wander in the imagination and delusions that you are my friend but when in reality you're just some boot licking person who is trying to win my favour as you THINK you can trust me with your worthless rants and so called not problematic problems.

As a warning to some other people too, I don't like being talk to sometimes too as I find you amazingly annoying and irritating beyond words and that's not your fault i suppose, it's mine because who knew I had so many bad things to say about other ppl and who knew tha's I'm such a person to bottle everything inside me like some kind of super big vacumm cleaner with one of those giant expanding dust bags that fills up with crap till I explode and all those pieces of crap like banana skins and dead rats starts spilling out and shooting everywhere in the room. "

she said that. some blogger i found

She's sad....don't you think? Negative too....

[[ music ]] Le festin

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I WANT A GLOBAL WARNING TOUR ORIGINAL LOGO TEE [LADIES]

it's sold in yesasia... someone get me an M size or S..

I also want their album Stand Up

I want SO MUCH STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KWON JI YONG A.K.A. G DRAGON ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!

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I look at the deep dark blue sky as far as I could and saw nothing. Usually, in picture books or in movies or in stories or at least the ones I see, they say ' Look at that clear dark sky and tell me what you see.'. Usually, as always, they answer, stars. That is your future. Stars. Shining brightly above the rest. I saw nothing.. what does it mean? Our own future lies in our own hands and we can decide whether to make the most out of our lives or not. Never waste time. Never. It's so important. It doesn't matter if you are young or not because youth isn't an excuse to throw away that precious thing which we cannot unwind or have back.

There are times in life where even if you're young, you're already too old to do something you would've loved to do. You're going to regret every single tiny bit that you didn't jump on that oppotunity. You're going to cry yourself to sleep on how pathetic you are but it's no use as it's already gone. You're going to say that there's something missing in life when you forget all about it. You're going to say it ruined your life when you remember it.

As they all say, time is gold.

[[ music ]] Heaven-big bang
[[ mood ]] sad

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[[ mood ]] aggravated

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